I was called to be a ward missionary in church, and set apart last Sunday. The Bishop has instructed me to set apart 15 hours a week to spend with the full-time missionaries, more or less doing whatever they're doing alongside them. Tomorrow should be my first day with them, which will be interesting. 5 hours a day for three days seems like sort of a lot of time to me right now, I must admit, but it can only be a blessing to me. I'm sure I'll feel a little awkward about some things, as I generally do, but I've got to start somewhere.
I'm still looking for work as well. I want to get out of the house and do something productive, and there are needs that aren't being met, but at the same time I'm afraid of getting a job somewhere that I can't handle. Part of me knows that I need to be more disciplined, but the other part of me is worried because of so many bad experiences in the past. This doesn't help my self-esteem a whole lot either. I've searched and applied to a number of different places regardless, and I haven't gotten anything yet. So being worried about things or not, simply not getting anywhere isn't very cool.
I'm still struggling to get myself into a solid routine and do all the little things I'm expected to and should do. I don't entirely understand why such seemingly simple things are so difficult for me right now. I always feel stressed over all the little responsibilities I have yet to take care of each day, and I rarely end up taking care of all of them. It's an illogical way to go about things, but I struggle with it nonetheless.
Despite all of my struggles each day, I do know that I can make it through them somehow. My Heavenly Father has promised me his strength if I have faith to rely on him, and he continues to bless me every time I try to do what is right. I struggle constantly to even just do my part, it seems, but He is always there for me regardless and I know that I can grow and learn and become more than I am. I just have a lot of fear left to overcome.
